I’d like to think that if we were sitting in the metaphorical arrangement conference of funeral professionals, the millennials would be the child sitting at the end of the table trying to interject with their own ideas. However, their voice would fall flat due to the excitable voice of their Gen Z younger sibling as the eldest sibling, Gen X, attempts to explain logic and reasoning. Gen X wants to stay within budget while Gen Z wants a live band and flame throwers. Meanwhile, the Millennial just wants to be able to say something special at the service, but instead, watches the endless tug of war between the two. Eventually, the millennial would be questioned about why they're not saying anything at all. It's a blessing and a curse to be the middle child.
It's the circle of life. At one time, we were the loud and outspoken younger sibling. So much so that we became the scapegoat for all within our generation and below. However, life gave us a younger sibling with another one on the way. Now it's time that we look behind us to see who is rising up next. We have the chance to change the game for how the journey is for those following behind us. Will we walk on with indignation, unwavering in our desire to help? Or do we turn to offer a little bit of guidance so that their path is not nearly as treacherous as ours?
When Jeff brought up to me that he wanted to create a Mentorship Program for Continuing Vision, I have to admit that I was very hesitant at first. It felt like the word "mentoring" had been played to death, and my fear became that we would join the pile of attempts at offering mentorship without any real mentoring that made a difference long term. However, the overwhelming feedback has been an eye opener even to this millennial. It made me realize that this was something that would have been a game changer for me, and many others, when first beginning. I knew that my hesitation was only coming from a place of fear-fear that we might let down this next generation like some of us felt when we were entering. After coming to see the vision that Jeff had, it really became crystal clear. This was not just wanted in the profession, it was needed. In planning, we wanted to do this right and for the right reasons. But the question was, would anyone join?
The answer? YES! In fact, there's been so much support and excitement expressed by many since its official launch on August 1st. There really are no words to express our gratitude for all that have shared or reached out. After glancing over some of the initial applications it was amazing to see how many people have been searching and needing something like this.
The new generation of funeral directors are all but screaming for help. It's coming from a place of genuine authenticity instead of demanding entitlement, like some might have assumed. My heart almost breaks from some of the comments that I've received just in its few days of being launched. So many people have reached out to me with their disheartened pleas for ways to survive this obstacle course that is funeral service. You can tell that they are desperately wanting to be given the chance at doing the only thing their heart is pulling them towards...serving families.
As someone who never had a mentor, I see myself in all of their responses. The struggles they've endured, the not being taken seriously, the insatiable hunger to learn more, and the chances to serve being denied for various reasons. It’s important to realize that this next generation is not throwing a tantrum. They're trying to get our attention. They are the players yelling, "Put me in coach." They're our shadows following closely behind and watching every move we make in hopes of being able to do what we do someday. They're screaming for change, not to destroy the tradition, but to open our eyes to the possibilities of the future.
I've always said that there is an "experience syndrome" that a lot of professionals seem to go through, not just in this career, but others as well. This is where one becomes so seasoned and repetitive with a certain skill that they completely forget what it feels like to be the beginner in stage one. The small details are often overlooked to make room for the final big picture that can be seen only through time and experience. For example, if you were to try and explain to a toddler how to make a PB&J sandwich for the very first time, would you be able to? I'm sure many responses would be, "Well, you take some peanut butter and some jelly, spread it on the bread, and put the two pieces together. Boom. Duh." But, take it back further. What details are you missing that a toddler might not know initially?
What is peanut butter? What is jelly? Where are they located? How do you know which peanut butter and jelly to use? Why did you select the brand that you used-is it because it's a healthier flavor or is it just because it's the one you've always chosen? How do you take the bread out of the bag? What knife are you supposed to use to spread it? How do you open the jars? The list goes on and on.
Yes, I know that sounds silly and elementary, but that is the point of "experience syndrome." To us it becomes second nature so we often skip it when explaining to someone who has never experienced it before. In my observation, it's a very common frustration within funeral service. We tend to write off families who automatically choose direct cremation because they say they don't want burial, but we forget that they may not fully know or understand what a traditional cremation service is. It's the preceptors becoming frustrated when their students don't pick up embalming immediately. What seems common sense to us is only common because we've done it so much that we can't comprehend why someone isn't just getting it. Never mind that we too once stood at the table, clock ticking before our preceptor would inevitably take the instruments from our hands because it was taking us too long. Ultimately, this would leave us feeling defeated and wondering if we were just stupid.
I'm excited for this mentorship program because it's fueled by professionals with some of the best intentions. It's not for clout or public recognition. The mentors are made up of those who have had great mentors before them and those who didn't have a mentor at all. They are ready to share, no strings attached, in hopes that the newer generation feels supported, encouraged, and free to ask questions.
I have looked up to most of these mentors throughout my journey in funeral service. Truth is, they'll probably never know how much they've inspired me, taught me, and helped me to keep going when I felt like giving up, and, through the years, they have embraced me as one of their own. I still feel like I have to pinch myself to see if it's real when I get to talk about ideas with them because they mean so much to me as a funeral director, embalmer, and person. These mentees are looking to us with the same kind of admiration we once held for those who came before us. They're watching us and wanting to learn from us. To know that the next generation will be able to experience that same kind of willingness to help another is rewarding in itself.
You never truly know who is looking up to you for guidance, hope, and inspiration.
Millennials...it is time. Time to pass the torch. We've grown up. Yes, we will still be to blame for a lot of our younger siblings' actions, just as Gen X took the brunt for us for so long, but that's the price we pay to watch them come into the world. There's power in the siblings coming together to offer real guidance to their younger sibling. I hope that we become the ones who stop to turn around and offer a helping hand instead of immediate reprimanding. I hope that we see Gen Z, and those that follow, for their eccentricities and smile because every generation deserves to feel that freedom of expression and experimentation. It’seasy for us to get caught up in the tradition of giving what we were given, but instead, I hope that we will provide what we always needed. Because they are standing there, arms wide open, hoping for just one person to give them a chance. Will you?
If you, or someone you know, is interested in joining our free Mentorship Program, please visit www.continuingvision.com/mentorship to complete a Mentee Application. If you are interested in becoming a mentor, email us at info@continuingvision.com for more information on how to apply. All are welcome. You are not alone.
This article is just a generalized overview based on personal opinion and feeling. It is not meant to speak for all people. The views expressed in this blog are mine alone and do not represent the views of my employers or funeral homes associated with.
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